Chapter 12
Turn the clock hands back one month ago.
After finishing that phone call with Mom, I went to the company the next day. A colleague at the desk next to mine told me that she was pregnant.
“I hope it’s a girl.”
She placed her hand on her still–flat belly with a gentle smile on her lips. “I hope it is a daughter.”
“After getting pregnant, I always liked to eat oranges. I think I’ll name her Orange.”
“Isn’t that so cute?”
She was the most dynamic and capable woman in the department.
But when she talked about her child, her expression was gentle and serene, unlike anything I had ever seen before.
Sensing that I was staring at her, she turned to me and asked, “Willow, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
I shook my head.
Chapter 12
That night, I had a dream about the time before I was born.
2/4
In the dream, my mother found out she was pregnant and gently placed her hand on her belly, just like my colleague had done.
And she said, “Let’s name her Willow. Since I was pregnant, I always went to the park and sit under that willow tree to cool off. I can sit there for hours. She must like the willow tree.”
It was the love that I could ever imagine and had always dreamed of.
I went to see the doctor again.
He said, “If you can’t find a way out, try going back into your memories and search for the cause.”
It was a disease that couldn’t be cured by medicine alone.
The cause of my disease had become a demon that trapped me
within.
I bought that gold bracelet.
My mom’s birthday was in two months.
The sales clerk asked me with a smile, “Do you want to write a birthday card for your mom?”
I agreed and took the pen from her.
Chapter 12
I thought to myself, let’s give it another try.
Let’s give it another try.
3/4
Now I was no longer a child who knew nothing, and she had also
aged and declined.
Perhaps we could talk.
Pitiful, pathetic, and detestable.
I always had to hope.
Forever hoping that she could still love me.
But there was no chance left.
On that rainy day, I answered the phone.
Therefore, my fate was already determined a month ago.
My ashes and belongings were brought back home and placed in a cemetery in the suburbs.
My brother was buried there as well.
His cremation urn was very small, very small.
On the day of my burial, the sky was gloomy, but it didn’t rain a drop.
My mother stood in front of the tombstone for a whole day.
Chapter 12
Her grief and regret were already beginning to show..
I thought I would feel relieved and liberated, but I didn’t.
But in reality, as I watched her pain, my heart was filled with endless indifference.
4/4
Decades of pain and emotions for the rest of my life erupted in those few hours, exhausting me completely.
In the evening, my mother came home and sat quietly on the couch.
She had already retired.
Joshua went back to school, Dad was busy at work, and Vivian returned to her and Ethan’s home.
After this brief interlude, everyone went back to their own lives.
After a while, my mom suddenly pulled the corner of her lips and showed a slight smile.
“Willow, now it’s just the two of us…that are still here.”