4.
Sarah and I had wasted ten years. We didn’t
want to waste anymore. So we quickly got
engaged. Sarah had asked me, if I had moved
on or fell in love with another. She didn’t want
me to make a rushed decision. I saw Tiffany’s
face in my mind’s eye. But it quickly
disappeared. I smiled and shook my head, telling Sarah, “No, I haven’t.”
I kissed Sarah’s scar where she had been
injured from saving that child. I said it again,
“No, I haven’t.”
Before Sarah had asked me that, I had
dreamt of Tiffany a few times. In my dream,
く
Tiffany would sneer at me and told me not to
overestimate myself. It did sting a bit. But
with time, I stopped dreaming of Tiffany.
Those six years felt like a distant memory.
Mike would sometimes ask me if I had
thought about Tiffany. I’d pause, then shake
my head. “I hope she and Chad are happy.”
I’d say. “Just as long as we all just move on.”
I had actually moved on. I’d forgotten about
her. But then, Sarah and I ran into Tiffany’s
called
friend while at dinner. She out to me
from across the street, “You, back in town
and you didn’t even call?”
She stopped mid–sentence, looking shocked.
Sarah was a lot like Tiffany, but Sarah had a
scar on her brow from her time in the war
zone. And the way she carried herself was so
く
different. Sarah didn’t have Tiffany’s spoiled
rich girl vibe, she had a calming and collected
presence. Tiffany’s friend looked at Sarah
then back at me, “Tao, what the heck?”
She thought for a second. “Did you get one
over on Tiffany?”
I shook my head. “We broke up.”
Tiffany’s friend looked even more surprised,
“But Tiffany told me that you were waiting for
her…”
I cut her off. “This is my fiancée. We’re
getting married very soon.”
She stood there, stunned. She looked at
Sarah and I holding hands. She turned around
and ran off, talking on her cell.
I turned to Sarah to explain, but before I could
speak, she started laughing, “It’s all in the
past. Why even bring it up?”
She brushed my hair out of my eyes. “I didn’t
disappear for ten years just to have you
waiting for me for another ten.”
My eyes stung and I felt the need to confess.
Those three years of searching for Sarah, I’d
been glued to my phone, waiting for that one
phone call, one piece of news. My phone was
on 24/7, and every random call made my
heart jump. I was hoping the first year that I’d
hear from her, injured, but coming home.
soon. The second year, I hoped that someone
would tell me she was still alive. The third
year, I dreaded the phone calls, but I still had
to pick up.
<
When Tiffany came into the picture, I had
officially been diagnosed with severe anxiety,
panic attacks. Her face was like a lifeline.
Being her backup, it wasn’t all rainbows and
butterflies, but I couldn’t leave that face.
Seeing her, gave me the strength to just keep
on living. So did I love Tiffany? I didn’t know.
But I was grateful for her. I was so grateful
that even though everyone was telling me that
I was her backup, I was still content.
These past six years, in my mind, Tiffany was
a good person who saved me. I thought I was
someone good to her, at least I had an
impression of being a caring person. But I
was wrong, she would grit her teeth and call
me a liar.
5.
Tiffany called late that night, like, super late. I
<
slipped out of bed, trying not to wake Sarah. I
figured she wanted her stuff back or
something. I answered, and she was just
spitting mad, practically growling at me, “You
liar.”
Her voice was all choked up. “Tao, you’re a
liar! You told me Sarah Lu was your aunt’s
kid. You lied!” She wasn’t all high–and-
mighty like usual. She was fighting back
anger, even a little hurt. Like a little kid.
I just dropped my head and sighed. “I’m
sorry.” I was so used to apologizing to her.
For six years, it had been my default.
response. There were so many rules. Like,
don’t stare at her too much in front of Chad,
because it would upset him. Or don’t try to
hold her hand when she’s with Chad’s friends.
And don’t call her when she was out with