137- Responsible and ready
“I swear I can explain and that wasn’t how it looked.” He blurts out in one panicked breath. He continues before I get a chance to answer.
“I would never be unfaithful, I promise and I can explain everything. I know we fought and you were angry but I need you to believe me. I didn’t know she was going to do that and I would have stopped her if I did. Her father died last year and her mother was friends with my mother and she asked me as a favour to escort her daughter to get some test results because she’s worried about the murders recently and it seemed harmless, I didn’t realise Lovetta had other intentions. I was just taking her home, and she was clinging onto my arm but I was thinking about what you said about my being too harsh sometimes so I was trying to think of
a… nice way to get her off. Then suddenly she was asking if I was single and I must have taken too long to answer.” He pauses and takes a quick breath then continues as if worried that he might explode if he doesn’t get his whole story out as fast as physically possible.
“I wasn’t sure how to answer because I wanted to make it clear that I am not available, but
since you still want us to be secret I didn’t want to say anything.that would draw any additional speculation, but she must have taken my silence as an answer. I know I should.
have seen her coming and avoided it but I saw you there and I got distracted and didn’t
notice until it was too late. I swear I made it clear to her right after that I am not interested
and that I am not seeking a partner at this time. I left out the part where I’m not seeking a partner because I already have one. I swear I wasn’t out on a date, or cheating or anything
like that.” He insists. Finally he stops and I wait a moment to make sure he really is finished.
“Are you done?” I confirm. Bellamy gives a jerky nod. He looks so awkward kneeling on the ground in front of me that I can’t repress a snort of a laugh as I roll my eyes.
‘Bellamy, I know you weren’t cheating on me. I was worried for about half a second before I realised that would be ridiculous and would never happen. I only walked away because I didn’t want you to make a scene in public. You’re not particularly subtle, you know.” I point out. Bellamy stares in shock.
“You mean you aren’t upset with me? How could you not be worried, or at least a little jealous? I get jealous seeing you just talk to men I know and trust if I saw you arm in arm with a stranger like that…” He shudders and I raise an eyebrow.
1/3
137- Responsible and ready
“Are you saying you would assume I was cheating?” I accuse jokingly. He quickly backtracks.
“No, no, definitely not. But I would be jealous. I’m almost a little concerned that you don’t appear to be jealous at all.” he complains and I laugh at how ridiculous he’s being.
“It sounds like you WANT me to be angry with you. But I’m not. We might have fought this morning, but I DO trust you. It would be hard not to, you’re almost excessively loyal, not to mention we’re fated.” I point out. Bellamy tilts his head in question.
“I feel like an idiot questioning this since it’s working to my advantage, but you’re saying someone who is fated can’t be disloyal?” He clarifies. I shake my head.
“No, I’m saying there is no way I could ever be with someone who was disloyal, I know myself and I could never forgive that. Since we’re fated I can assume you wouldn’t do that or It would never work out.” I explain. His mouth drops in a silent ‘oh.‘ Then, without warning, he bursts into laughter. He laughs so hard I think I can see tears in his eyes.
“I don’t know what it is exactly,, but your logic is just so funny to me. It is true though, I would never cheat on you. Not ever.” Bellamy sobers up for that last declaration. Wanting to
keep the conversation light I just shrug.
“I would have to find a way to ruin your life if you did.”
“It wouldn’t take much. You leaving would ruin me plenty.” Bellamy promises snappily and while it was very cute, I also can’t help but scrunch up my face and cringe at how corny it was.Bellamy grins and joins in.
When we both pull ourselves together, Bellamy brings us back on topic.
“Are you still angry with me about this morning?” He asks warily. I think about it for a moment. Am I still angry? I don’t think I am. It’s hard to be properly angry with someone who keeps being sweet and making me laugh. Although I am also not ready to completely drop the issue. It depends if he understood my whole ‘asserting my independence‘ thing that I was aiming for when I went out earlier. He is waiting impatiently for my response, rocking in place a little and shifting his knees around. Actually kneeling there can’t be comfortable. He should really get off the floor. Best I speed this along then..
2/3
“No, I’m not angry anymore.” I answer slowly. Bellamy breathes a sigh of relief.
“But, I can’t say I’m happy about what you did. You should have consulted me first. If you want me to share responsibilities with you then you need to learn to share authority too. You tell me I can tell the others what to do, and make decisions on those emails, that I can do what I want and stay here without feeling guilty, but then when it comes down to it, you just make decisions without me. I understand if I’m not available, or if it’s an emergency and you have a split second to decide. I can even forgive you being pushy when it comes to my safety, although I’m not willing to accept your word as law on that front either. What isn’t okay is that you’re making decisions that affect both of us when there was plenty of time to discuss it. You could have taken a second to ask, we could have called back or even just put the guy on hold for a minute. I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal to you but it is to me. You literally registered me as the person who is responsible for everyone if something happens to you! But not only that, technically I am considered equally as responsible for the feline Shifters as you are right now, and I am not equipped for that. Not to mention, if I am going to take on that role, the person who decides it will be me, not you. And the first people who need to approve it are the rest of the Shifters, not some guy in an office!” I finish
passionately. Okay, maybe I am still a little mad, I’m getting worked up again. Bellamy looks like I’ve punched him in the face.
“I- I didn’t think about it that way, or nearly as much as you have apparently.” He looks pale. and uncomfortable. I sigh.
“I know that, I am thinking about the future Bellamy, but there’s no need to rush things. along so much. I know you see being Alpha as an honour, and in a way it is, but it is also. something that I need to be ready for, not something you can just sign me up for.” I can. practically see the wheels turning in Bellamy’s head.