I took a deep breath and tried to calm the turmoil in my heart.
This feeling couldn’t be easily expressed. There were still too many obstacles between us to overcome.
But I also knew, clearly, that this emotion had already taken root in my heart. And it couldn’t be easily erased.
“Eve, what’s wrong?” Ethan’s concerned voice pulled me back from my thoughts.
I forced a smile and shook my head. “It’s nothing. I’ve probably just been too tired lately and got a little distracted.”
I didn’t want him to notice something was off, nor did I want to burden him with anything.
He furrowed his brow, clearly not completely convinced by my words. But in the end, he chose to respect my wishes and didn’t press further.
“Then, you must get some good rest. Don’t overexert yourself. If you need anything, just let me know.”
I nodded gratefully. My chest felt warm. Even though I couldn’t express my feelings, his concern was enough to make me happy.
The dinner ended in a warm atmosphere, and we left the restaurant into the deep night.
The streets were quiet, with only the dim streetlights casting their soft glow.
“I’ll take you home,” Ethan said with a smile.
I hesitated for a moment but finally nodded. Every second alone with him felt like a rare and precious moment.
In the car, soft pop music played from the speakers as we sat silently next to each other. Yet, it felt as if we were miles apart.
I gazed out the window at the passing streets. My heart was full of mixed emotions.
“Eve, you know, I’ve been thinking about something lately.” Ethan broke the silence in the car.
I turned to look at him. My heart was racing. “What is it?”
He fell silent for a moment before saying, “I’ve been wondering, if I had stuck to my choice back then, would things have been different? Could I have spared you from the pain?”
My heart jolted in my chest. I didn’t expect him to bring up this topic.
I took a deep breath. “Ethan, you don’t need to feel guilty about what happened to me. Everyone has their own choices to make, and we can’t predict the future. What matters is that we’re both working to make our lives better now.”
He sighed softly. “I know, but I can’t help but wonder. If I had been
back then, could I have been ther
one
you could always rely on?”
My heart seemed to stop. My mind went blank. The deep affection in his words left me at a loss for how to respond.
“Ethan, I…” I tried to speak but found myself unable to complete a single sentence.
How could I tell him that I also had countless ‘what ifs’ and countless hypothetical scenarios about us?
The car slowly pulled up to my apartment, and we both sank into an awkward silence.
Eventually, Ethan broke the silence. “Eve, no matter what, I just want you to be happy. If you ever need me, I’m always here.”
I nodded gratefully. Tears began to well up in my eyes. “Thank you, Ethan. I know that you are my good friend.”
Friend. The word felt so powerless at that moment. That was the only way we could define our relationship now.
I got out of his car. As I watched his car drive away, an overwhelming sadness rose within me.
So, this is what a secret crush feels like? So close, yet so far away.
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